The Truth About The Man You Married

1. Most of us don’t like arguing.  While you may find some guys that enjoy the back and forth, most of us do not care for it.  I know that in these “discussions,” you think that we show you that we care because we are passionate and loving enough to come after you and prove ourselves through dialogue.  That’s not how we roll.  We are huge on peace and harmony.  After we’ve said our piece we are done and ready to move on.
2. The 6th Love Language…Sex. Yes, I said sex! This is our ultimate expression of love!  Contrary to what you think, you are not a piece of meat!  Sex to us is comparable to you wanting us to make you feel secure.  If he is always trying to “get at you” just know you have his heart.  When you are married to the right person and he has shown you in action that he wants the best for you and his family, remember this when he wants to be intimate.  We aren’t always really wordy, we are action takers (smile).
3. Effort equals appreciation. This goes a long way!  Let’s say he has voiced a concern to you about something and you’ve heard him and you are really making a conscious effort in that area.  You may be really hard on yourself because you keep falling short.  If he sees you striving to respect his request, he will support you and let you know how appreciative he is for your efforts!
4. As we get older, we desire more attention. When we start getting closer to 40, we change.  Our hair starts to thin, our metabolism slows, our hair begins to gray and the once virile man you knew has to acknowledge he’s getting older.  This is very tough!  We need you to stroke our ego more!  Just be there, shoulder to shoulder.  You don’t have to say anything.  If he’s grilling, pull up a chair and watch him work and give him an occasional smile.  If he’s fixing the car, again pull up a chair and just observe.  Touch him more.  Give him the “woman arm grab”! We love that kind of stuff!  Let him know you are still interested and attracted to him even though he’s gotten older.  He’ll love you for a lifetime!
5. We want you to be proud of us! It’s innate in us to want to impress you. If you think back to the playground and the crazy things boys did to catch your eye, we’re still the same. We want to be acknowledged in the small things and the big alike. All of the guy stuff you see him do that could be considered normal is recognition worthy.  Nothing makes us happier than for wifey to give us a pat on the back and say, “Well done!”
6. Don’t take us for granted.  Every marriage goes through a rut.  After you’ve been together a long time, things change.  So many husbands, especially the ones that are considered “good guys,” feel like they are taken for granted.  After you get him you have to keep him.  If you may not keep your appearance up like you know you should, change it. If you come to bed in those tattered t-shirts and sweats, change it. If he never gets to see your hair because when he comes home the bonnet is always on, change it. It doesn’t have to be every day, but as stated above, a little effort goes a long way!  And give him props for what he does.  With all of these thirsty, lonely women out here make sure you are not leaving a backdoor open for someone else.  Ultimately, cheating is a personal decision, but cause and effect is real!  Ask your husband if he feels you take him for granted and be secure enough to listen to his response, uninterrupted! Allow him to share his concerns with you. If you can handle it, this will strengthen your marriage.

In closing, if you feel in your gut things seem off and he hasn’t seemed himself lately, it’s time to talk.  He needs to know he can talk to you without you becoming defensive and having all the answers.

Peace

Who Told You That?

For you ladies that were fortunate enough to grow up in a two parent household, your mother set the tone that forged you into the woman you are today.  You watched how she treated your father and 9 out of 10 times you follow suit with your husband.  And those of you that grew up in a single parent home your mother was “that chick” she taught you how to be the strong, confident and independent woman that you are today!  Based on either domestication this is where you received your foundation of who you are and where you learned how to treat a man.

After talking to a plethora of women, I must admit, y’all (I’m from Texas lol) truly hold it down when it comes to your husbands and everything he needs you to do!  I don’t need to give examples because y’all know! “Salute to y’all for doin the thang!” Those things you do makes it harder for the clean up woman to come sweepin in trying to get your dude!  But, some men with “ideal situations” are unhappy. You ask, why?  Well, I’ll tell you.

While what you may be doing is “ideal” based on your domestication, your exposure, your women’s magazines, social media, television and ya home girls and what they do for their husbands, but “Who Told You That?” What does your husband want?

1. ASK HIM

I’ll tell a funny story.  A newlywed couple, riding the high of marital bliss, had a wife that loved cooking pancakes everyday for her husband because she thought that’s what he wanted.  One day after delivering him breakfast in bed, she came back into the bedroom to find him in the bathroom putting the pancakes down the toilet!  In her saddened, yet infuriated state, she asked him why?  He told her she’d made pancakes for him so much that the  very sight and thought of them had begun to make him nauseous! He said he’d rather have grits, oatmeal, or even cream of wheat. Anything else besides pancakes! She never knew because she didn’t ask. And, I know you are thinking, “Well, why didn’t the jerk (or some other choice word) just simply tell her that?!”  Now not to makes excuses here, but being a man, sometimes it’s hard for us to tell you the truth because we don’t want to hurt your feelings. And sometimes “You can’t handle the truth” in my Jack Nicholson voice. So obligatory disclaimer here, if you don’t want to know the truth...don’t ask!

Here’s the point ladies. Although, most men are the same, there are some differences amongst us as well. Take the time to “ask” your husband what he needs from you. Ask him how you can be the best wife he needs you to be. Then after the initial shock on his face wears off, just listen.  You may be surprised! You may think you already know because you know your man, but ego and pride can keep you in the dark.  I’m sure you’ve heard the saying about assumption!  Cater to him specifically where he needs you to and watch what happens.  Reciprocity is a Beast!!!!        

Peace

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

It’s the 60’s and the feminist movement is poppin’ and women desire to be equals to their male counterparts.  There’s no secret that we live in a male dominated society.  Equal wage for the same work, the desire not to be sexually harassed when at work and being recognized for the inherent strength you possess were all issues that were seemingly swept under the rug.  In an act of protest, bra burning effigies were taking place in defiance of the male dominated establishment!  Y’all’s foremothers was lit!

During this uprising there needed to be a motto,  a slogan or perhaps a song that embodied the struggle. A 25 year old African – American woman named Aretha Franklin took the charge and came up with the song Respect that has forever changed the scope of the music industry!  It also catapulted her into super stardom! Generations of people all over the world have heard and know the song to this day!  I wasn’t even born when this song was released but can almost sing it verbatim!  Aretha hit this one out of the park!

Aside the feminist movement, one might say I didn’t know women wanted respect like that, I thought women wanted to be loved and men needed respect right?  On a grand scale, you hear far more women saying they want to be loved by their husbands than respected because if she feels loved she feels respected.  So what was Ms. Franklin’s motivation to pen such a dynamic yet contradictory tune?  She didn’t.  I stumbled onto this information listening to the book Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs.  In 1965 some guy named Otis Redding (you might have heard of him) wrote this song as he poured his soul out in frustration to marital issues that he and his wife were having at the time.  Otis felt that he needed Respect from his wife when he got home and obviously he wasn’t getting it because if he was, this song would’ve never been penned.

Unconditionally Respect Your Husband

This is the lifeline to the very core of his masculinity.  If you disrespect your husband, you’ll eventually lose him.  You may still be married but he will have checked out completely and all you will have on your hand is a shell of his former self.  Someone just read this and got mad!  “He doesn’t deserve to be respected is your cry!”  I’m sure you have a laundry list of reasons and though they may be valid it doesn’t change the fact that Respect to a man is the oxygen that we need to live!  Let’s put this in perspective.  Your son is learning how to ride his bike but he keeps falling off.  Time and time again he gets on and falls off.  It seems as though he’ll never get the hang of it!  What do you say to him?  Do you say, just stop you aren’t going to learn how to ride just use your legs to get where you need to go and you will be good! Or, do you speak to his potential?  “Baby boy, I know you can do it, you are a strong little man and you can do anything you put your mind to!”  Sound familiar?  Well a boy learning to ride his bike is nothing more than a young “man” in training! You are encouraging him and stroking his ego. Your husband needs that 1000 times more because of what he does every day to prove he loves you!  Getting your oil changed, filling your car up with gas, getting the dead squirrel out of the attic, being willing to give his life for you are all part of him showing you the love that you so desperately desire.  These may sound menial but we are “provers”.  Now I’m not telling you that he’s perfect or that this is easy especially because I know how I am as a man.  Giving him respect doesn’t mean not having an opinion.  As his wife, you have the right to express Whatever your concerns are to him!  If you don’t tell him, I can almost guarantee that he won’t know!!  All I’m saying is you expressing your concern with a respectful tone and facial expression will be easier to hear than a rant, or high levels of decibel frustration!  Ladies, we don’t like arguing and lots of arguments ensue when you are simply trying to voice your concerns.  I’ll leave you with this.  Presentation is everything.  You never go to a high end restaurant and receive a 5 course meal served on garbage can lids.  Your intent, and wonderful advice as right as it may be served in a disrespectful manner does no justice to the meal and in fact he probably won’t eat it.

Peace

Wake Him Up Sex or Let Him Sleep…That is the?

I came across a great vid today with a husband & wife talking about this issue.  There had been an “arrangement” that was supposed to happen that evening, that never took place.  Wifey got in the shower and when she got out, her husband was asleep.  Now, the caring, nurturing and loving part of you may say, “He’s tired and needs his rest.”  “He’s providing for our family, trying to make things happen for our generations and his rest is pivotal for success!” Ladies I want to keep in 100 with you which leads us to our one tip today…WAKE HIM UP!

I cannot speak for all men but the majority of us enjoys your “company” and rarely if ever  turn you down.  There are always exceptions to the rule but those are few and far between!  Heck, I’ve been with my wife almost 20 years and can count on one hand how many times I’ve said no.  Maybe even two fingers! LolWe stay ready!  It doesn’t have to be this long drawn out experience with candles, wine and music!  I am telling you, he will appreciate the effort!  Quickies save marriages, sleep is optional and sex is not! = )  If that was the agreement, then stick to it.  In fact, we’ll sleep better afterwards!

Here are a few health benefits you can experience from the wake up   :

1. Helps keep your immune system up

2. Boosts your libido

3. Lowers blood pressure

4. Counts as exercise

5. Helps against prostate cancer

6. Eases stress

Lastly, if you are in a loving and committed marriage let us not forget that sex is a man’s ultimate expression of love!  So don’t deprive him expressing how feels in only the way that he can!